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When it comes to sexual pleasure, there is kind of an implicit understanding that woman must have an orgasm before the man and that he is responsible for making her climax. And this is not a simple task. In fact, the sexologist Ian Kerner Ph.D., in his well-documented book She Comes First, states that, on average, western man reach orgasm in 2 and a half minutes, while women need 21 minutes.
Personally, I have not yet managed to find a satisfactory explanation for this biological disparity. But nature is perfect, and in Taoist sexology there could be a reason, which I would have to deal with in a future article. If the numbers are correct – and I’m sure they are – men are the ones who bear the burden of proof… To prove what? Manhood.
What we know with certainty is that this time difference to reach climax in both sexes creates the need to adapt to the rhythm of the other, and that this gap must be filled. One of the most revealing behaviors occurs when one of the partners pretends an orgasm. Science has analyzed who are the ones who pretend and why they do it.
Dr. Hugo M. Mialon, in his article The economics of faking ecstasy, lists four deceptive signals between couples during orgasm. First, if one of the parties does not reach ecstasy, he or she can simply pretend. Second, middle-aged and older men are more likely to pretend than young men. Third, young and mature women tend to pretend more than middle-aged women. And fourth, love, usually understood as a mixture of altruism and rapport, increases the need to pretend. In addition, says Dr. Mialon, the data also reveals an interesting relationship between education and the tendency to pretend, both in men and women.
In another study published in the Sexual behavior Files in October 2012, from the International Academy of Sexual Investigation, it revealed that women may be more likely to fake an orgasm as a strategy to retain a male partner, especially when she feels the risk of infidelity. According to this research, there is a close correlation between the female orgasm and certain possessive and jealous behavior towards her partner, such as getting angry because he flirts or looks at other women.
In general, the motivations to fake an orgasm range from a white lie for love or a disinterested and unloving want to “finish”, to symptoms of deeper problems, such as anorgasmia, which is the inability to reach orgasm.
The attitude that each human being has towards sexuality without a doubt reflects his or her personality and specific cultural, social, environmental, physiological and emotional factors. A person with a healthy attitude towards herself and towards others will always be more open to sexual interaction and will have a greater reward at all levels.
As a practical recommendation, this is something that can help men solve the lack of biological synchrony of the couple to reach the climax: remember that, although not all, most women enjoy and need direct stimulation of the clitoris, manual or oral form, to achieve orgasm. Giving permission or encouraging these practices, as well as learning and enjoying sex without intercourse, can be extremely beneficial for a couple. ■