Many of us struggle in some way through our first few decades of adulthood, wondering why we are here, and how we’re supposed to present ourselves to the world. We’re not yet on fire. The tiny flame has begun to stir, but we have no idea what we will truly become in all of our glory.
What many of us also don’t realize during these years is that the process will likely be somewhat destructive, just as fire can be. The old and worn out coping mechanisms and personas that we’ve adopted must be burned away, revealing the fresh possibilities of our original self that has been long since buried.
So when and how does this destruction happen, and how do we recognize it as the beginning of our true selves? How do we move through the trials and tribulations with the utmost confidence that we are moving toward something rather than fear that we are headed for total destruction? We need faith, an intimate knowledge of ourselves, and courage. On top of all that, we must also become curious and interested in what is on the other side of this transformation, that we can’t physically go back to the old once the process has begun.
On a personal note, I recently saw the quote “I love the woman I am, I fought hard to become her,” and I resonate with it so much. Some of the most defining and best moments of my life have involved total destruction of relationships, ideals and understanding of who I had been up until then. In one of the first defining moments, all sense of conformity had been reduced to shards of what once was, blowing old versions of me away with the breeze. My new life had begun, and there was no turning back.
A few years later, it would begin again, after more chaos and destruction. This time, I fought hard for a while to hang on to what had been. This time, there was even more to lose. Who would I be if I let go of what I had grown to know about myself? What would my family think? What would society think? How would I move forward if I went boldly into the ashes, not yet having any idea what would be on the other side? There was a 50/50 chance I could emerge as a brilliant phoenix, teaming with new life and vitality, but there was a very real possibility that I could end up in pieces on the ground, quite literally.
What kept me going through the cycle of death and rebirth that I continued to experience? Faith, trust and belief. Belief that the fifty percent chance that I would rise from the ashes, more in tune than ever with who I was truly meant to be, living from my true center, and feeling my life was truly purposeful, was going to be the outcome. It had to be. Or something like it anyway; because as I mentioned before, once you’ve begun the journey to your authentic self and catch a fleeting feeling of who you can truly be, there’s no going back.
We must be brave, and know that all of the little destructions are the controlled burn leading to the thriving, healthy and vital beings we are meant to be in order to fully contribute to the universe and live our lives truly on purpose in joy, hope and unwavering belief in ourselves and the ability for us all to rise into our glory. ■
To achieve this type of positive inner transformation check out these 7 steps as you embark on your own path to self-discovery:
- You must really get to know yourself, so you can understand your true desires and intentions, your yes’s and no’s, and any limiting subconscious beliefs you have.
- Ways to get to know yourself better include: meditating, being still, journaling, asking yourself questions about your feelings when they come up, talking to a coach or counselor, getting bodywork, exercising, and holding space for yourself.
- Understand that any time you take a bold step forward toward what you desire to create, any old beliefs will rise to the surface and can cause inner or outer sabotage until you understand what is coming up and can clear it.
- Be gentle with yourself and give yourself lots of grace during this process. You’ve had the old subconscious beliefs for a long time. It will take some integration to form new patterns and beliefs.
- Don’t quit right before the big breakthrough. If you know if your gut that you are going down the wrong path, or that what you are doing is definitely not working, then change course. However, if you believe in what you’re doing and just haven’t seen results yet, try taking the pressure off and relaxing a bit, while still moving forward.
- Understand and know that you can do it. Big, bold, significant changes take time, and you may well go from the frying pan to the fire before you can come out on the other end.
- Believe in yourself. You’ve got this.